Rumblings…

I have found myself unable to sleep tonight. I was so excited today because we had one piece of our journey ok’d and will be on its way for another ok tomorrow. Of course, this is probably a step that should have been done after several others, but that’s how our life seems to go. We do things backwards. Never seems to be in the correct order for us. Kind of looks like we skirt the system but really we don’t. It just so happens that we are able to jump in at whatever point and often have to back track a bunch. It’s never on purpose. Honest! It’s just where people say to us,”Get this into us” or “go here and we’ll take care of the rest later.” kind of things. So, that is really exciting for us. I know, this is still super cryptic! Not meaning for it to be, but until some paperwork is done, well, this is the way it must be. I’m hoping that K will finally have time to go with me to get all of the first parts of our paperwork notarized so it can all be turned in with fees. I’m ready! Then we can move on to the really big stuff and introduce our sweetness to ya!

I’m also excited about a mom I’ve “met” adopting from the same country as us! This is such a blessing to be able to watch her family travel the road we are headed down. Oh! I know it most likely won’t be the same but she will at least be able to give me some pointers on how to handle it all. They leave soon for their precious someone. So excited for them. Just thinking about it makes my heart leap! It really does.

I have to say, I thought to myself today, “Wow, satan’s really backed off of us. I guess we aren’t that big of a threat to him right now.”. No sooner did I think that, within an hour maybe, the arrows started flying. I got discouraged, still am a bit, but knowing who holds all of this stuff in his hands. I’m starting to worry about things I can’t change. Timing is the biggest one. I have to trust that God is doing all of this for our good and that it won’t matter in the long run. Sure, I’d like to not to have several things on my plate, but they are and that’s where they will stay until God deems it fit to remove them. All we can do is pray. So I pray. And I praise! God is good all of the time. He’s refining this messed up human by leaps and bounds. Of course, I keep getting in the way and messing it up again. Not really a great team mate am I?

I’ve been pondering this for awhile now and haven’t really come to a conclusion do I’m going to out it out there to see if anyone can give me an opinion or even some revelation. Why was Jesus’s first miracle at the wedding in Canaan and then there are so many references from that point on about weddings, bride, bridegroom, etc.. all the way through to Revelations? now that I’ve written this out, it’ll probably hit me square between the eyes. But I’m still interested in what y’all have to say. That’s just one of the things going through my head.

Here’s some things I’m grateful for tonight : ladybug chairs, blue eyed boys, cleaning the kitchen floor several times today, little boys who talk nonstop, little boys who ask a million questions, a little boy who crawls into bed for safety at night, for the colors of the rainbows, for answered prayers, for goodnight kisses, morning hugs, for opportunities to be a blessing, for conviction of heart, for taking thoughts captive, for not saying anything when there’s nothing nice to say, for the ability to choose to be happy, for encouraging words, for longtime friendships, for grumpy old men and women, for newborn cries, for windy nights, for sweltering days, for the ability to mourn, to love with passion, to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves

Good night. May the God of glory rest you well. May he fill each room of your home so full of his presence that it’s overflowing and overwhelming.

Laurie

Wife duty

Oh my goodness how life has been moving at the speed of light since we got here. I feel exhausted! Overwhelmed at times and yet nothing seems to be getting done. I’m still trying to get the house put together but because reimbursements had been delayed, purchasing things to replace the broken had been put on hold. So, boxes sat because I had no place to put the contents. Still have some that are not empty because I don’t know where to put them or things arent coming together like I’d hoped. That is just getting on my nerves! I think I am developing OCD in my old age. Things out of place just seem to get to me a bit more easily than they did a year ago. I have put up all but three curtain rods with curtains. I managed to put up a total of five things on the walls. There’s a LOT of space here but things don’t quite fit the way they have other places. So, it’s taking a bit longer on the picture hanging.

I don’t feel like we’ve even had a chance to catch our breath. From the day we moved in, life is on the go.

A couple of weeks ago was my first official military wife duty in a very long time. It was a meeting to inform families of the goings on. Nothing big. Nothing exciting. It was almost one of those moments of,”Why am I here?” Don’t get me wrong. It had purpose and it served it’s purpose. But some moments just beckon the why question. That was one. Then a couple of days later was another one of those military wife duty events. It was a luncheon and a posting ceremony. This one I actually enjoyed though I was a bit nervous about it. With new rank comes new responsibilities and when you’ve been out of the game for awhile, well… Then another luncheon. Now the invites are coming for things like book clubs and bunco parties and things I just don’t normally do but are expected. So, I’m learning how to gracefully bow out when it’s all too much. And it’s all too much right now.

I’ve also started back in the four year old class at church. Not sure what I was thinking on that one! Between 20-28 kids! Two adults and one teen helper! They are awesome but WOW! I have seen God’s hand in it though. There is a sweet little girl in this class that has stolen my heart. The cuddliest little angel sent from heaven. She’s nonverbal which is what our littlest guy is. You see, God knew my heart needed some encouragement in this area. I’ve been so nervous about what could be that he sent this angel to help me learn that its all going to be ok. We communicate fabulously. We as a family will learn not nly his native tongue to help with transition but also how to sign so we can understand him (and her) though he will understand us verbally.

I have found myself longing for this promised child. It’s so weird to me. Don’t understand it at all. I don’t feel panicked to move to fast, wanting to enjoy every step, yet, hating that he has to spend one more day away from brothers and sisters who want to teach him and a mom and dad who want to KNOW that all is ok in his world. To love on him unconditionally and with every part of our being. We have been blessed with news that our formal letter to be matched which needs to be sent to his government has been sent to our facilitator in country to see if there is anything that needs to be added, clarified, or rewritten before being submitted for an official match. That’s good news for us. We also know that there is at least one family traveling soon to his country to bring home their child. So excited. I cried when I heard that. Don’t know the family. Don’t know anything about them but this info and I cried like a baby when I heard the news. Lol. Can’t blame this on hormonal imbalance due to pregnancy.

Anyway, fundraising continues. That has gone well until now. We are at a bit of a stand still. We have 8 of the Rebekah Blocher necklaces left from round two. Still selling the trivets and coaster sets. Trying to get myself to pull out my sewing machine to start on those things. I’m procrastinating on that until I have the rest of my curtains up and a few more things on my walls before I do. I know that sounds strange but if I don’t, I won’t get my house looking like a home and we need that as a family. Once I start sewing, I don’t usually stop for much. Schooling the kids, fixing dinner and sleep are about it all I will stop for once I begin. Late hours and not much sleep during those days. You see, I won’t stop until I can get our boy home. “A” needs to come home. That’s all there is to it.

We would appreciate your prayers for several things. The biggest is the sale of our home in Texas. We would really like to see that one gone from our plate. Two, for our littlest guy- protection, his heart to be prepared for us when we finally get there. Three, for us to be able to fly through our homestudy, and all the paperwork, etc… That comes with adopting. And of course for finances. God is good! We trust him in all things. He has this we know. I’m just telling these mountains, it’s time for them to crumble and be tossed into the sea.

Have a great night! May God rest you as you wait on him for answered prayers.
Laurie

Button update

My apologies for not posting the last several days.  Spent some time with my family on Saturday going hiking then stuff around the house.  I’ll write about that later.  Trying to do some stuff around here this labor day since I gave the kids a day off from school.  🙂

Do have a quick update.  Apparently there have been several people who have tried to donate through the chipin on the STWTHE blog and it wasn’t working.  Well, after a couple of attempts to fix it, I just made it a donate button instead with out the counter.  So, hopefully that fixed it.  Thank you to those of you who brought it to my attention.  Not sure what is going.  Ok, yes I do.  Our little guy needs to come home and satan doesn’t want him home.  But my God is bigger and he stomps on his head every chance he gets.  🙂

Have a blessed labor day!!!  May it be filled with lots of love and fun.

This is a feel sorry for me but not really post

Not feeling it today.  Allergies are in overdrive with the lawn maintenance being done.  Woke up not feeling all together with it and with this….  Oy!!!!  I’m moving super slow and the allergy meds just don’t want to kick in. 

On a better note, things are moving!!!  We have a glorious God who loves us even more than we could imagine!!!  So thankful for the blessing of having Him as my ABBA.  He has blessed us with the purchases of in our first fundraiser to bring our little guy home!!! We only have five (5)! necklaces left.  That’s amazing since we just started selling them Monday!!!  We are stoked about this.  I know the necklaces alone won’t do to bring him home but it’s a start.  I  need to get started working on other things to add the funds.  $30k is a LOT of money.  I also need to finish up some much needed paperwork and get it all in with some payments.  Kind of overwhellmed with all of it to be honest.  Paperwork.  Moving.  Unpacking.  Homeschooling. Being wife. military wife at that.  Mother.  Cheif fundraiser. Trying to find our new normal that is actually temporary.  I mean we will be adding to our family here,   Lol.  Not complaining just trying to find my rhythm.. Haven’t found it yet.  It will come as I lean into Jesus more and more. 

Trying to be more like the Mary of Martha and Mary.  Trying to sit at the feet of Jesus and choose what is good, the best and not worry about all of the other stuff.  Which has been hard.  I have found myself worried about many worldly things that have no eternal significance because of where we are.  It’s not where I need to be.  Not what I need to be concentrating on.  Eternal significance will be investing in where God’s heart is.  With the orphan.  The widow.  The foreigner.  The unbeliever.  The broken.  The lost.  The unwanted.  Making sure I train up the children I have been entrusted with to love all of these and show the love of Christ in such a way that all they can see is Jesus. 

Ok, thanks for the pep talk!!!  Still not feeling great because of the allergies but at least I can go tackle the paperwork.  🙂  gotta get a little one home!!!!  And YES!!!  IT’S A BOY!!!! 🙂

We are amazed

at how many sweet friends of friends are stepping up to help us to adopt.  Just through word of mouth, we are being blessed with sweet words of encouragement and this morning we were blessed with selling 7 of the Rebekah Blocher necklaces that we have on our seeingtheworldthroughhiseyes.blogspot.com site within ONE HOUR!!!!  We are so excited this morning.  We want to say THANK YOU for your generosity and more importantly for your sweet and kind words.  It is encouraging this momma’s heart as she thinks about her sweet little boy waiting for us to come get him.  We still have a long way to go before we can get him.  Satan is working against us but the one thing I know more than ever is God is for us and he has gone before us to fight this battle.  We just need to rest in him. 

Aunt Holly!!!!  you are more a part of this sweet little boy’s story than anyone will ever realize.  When I have doubted that the day would come, you never did.  When I was ready to give up, you prayed harder.  When I said I would support others, you said Ok but always reminded me of the promises of God that he spoke so many years ago.  You have never let me forget.  You have never allowed me to sit idle.  When I doubted that he was ours, you prayed and God showed you what I needed to move forward.  So, thank you!!!  I am amazed by your faith, perseverance and obedience.  I love you and I thank you.  I’m proud to call you sister and best friend.

Again, thank you to all of you who are supporting our journey.  Without you, our youngest little man would sit and wait for his mom and dad to come get him to bring him home!!!

Our Fundraisers are up and running!!!

WOOHOO!!!  It’s time to work on bringing that sweet little home!!!  So our fundraisers are up and running on facebook as well as my other blog http://seeingtheworldthroughhiseyes.blogspot.com/p/adoption-fundraiser.html    So come check us out!!!  We might just have something that you will LOVE!!!!!

Opening ourselves up

I’ve started and restarted this post several times in the last few minutes (now days). I know what I want to say and yet I really don’t know how to put it into words or where to even start. So, I’ll start with this. This blog wasn’t going to be an open blog. It was going to be a place where I journaled our yes to do anything for Jesus and maybe allow a few people in on the journey. I think I’m a pretty private person. Maybe private isn’t the word. Maybe a more accurate word should be guarded. I’m careful about who I let in and what I say. Maybe it’s the hurts of the past, maybe it’s just not trusting Jesus enough to be enough when the world decides to aim their arrows at me or my family. Often times hitting the bullseye- you know, the most vulnerable area in your life. Each one of us is different so that place will be different. Mine tends to be acceptance. I’ve always been a people pleaser, so opening myself up to criticism by opening this blog up to the world to read was a big risk. But the biggest reason for not wanting to have this an open blog, is my selfishness. There are parts of this story that only a few know. Someday I will share those details but for now, they are treasures that my family and I and those involved are privy to. They are details that I have treasured up in my heart and marvel at God, how he works and his perfect timing.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I decided to go public. I have to say that it has been fun in sharing how we got to this point. For our friends and loved ones to share in the excitement of our journey. Then there’s Jesus. If we want to make an impact for his kingdom, then there’s a risk I, we, my family have to take in opening up our lives as living testimonies as to what God is doing. We have to be willing to share the ups and downs, the what seems impossible to us but not to him moments, the miracles, the heartbreak, the frustration, the happiness, the moments where it’s hard to be thankful and everything in between. We have to honor the God we serve with every moment of this journey. And it won’t be easy. By sharing this with you, we are opening ourselves up to criticism for our fundraising efforts, why a child from whatever country and not this country, or the why do you need another one? And who knows what else. No, I’m not ready for those comments to come. No, I’m not quite certain how I will respond to them. No, I don’t know if I will hand them over to Jesus in the quickest amount of time to deal with instead of me mulling them over and over in my mind, getting angry, and having to repent after being human.

What I do know is this… I can allow everyone else to dictate what I do and don’t do. But I won’t. You see, I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve prayed this prayer. Though its been awhile and continues to be the cry of my heart. I’ve prayed to be used by Jesus. I’ve prayed to do ANYTHING for him. No matter what it is. No matter what the journey entails. No matter the distance. No matter what others might think or say. I have chosen to do ANYTHING for Jesus. That includes going and adopting the child God has chosen for our family. People won’t understand. Extended family won’t be excited or even on board with what we are doing. And I’m ok with that. I don’t owe them an explanation. All I know is we have to be obedient to the One. I AM is the one I will have to stand before in the end and give an account as to why I obeyed His calling or not.

I’ve actually had these thoughts,” Can we go get our child without telling any extended family? Will it really be all that easy to add a child to our family without anyone noticing?” We have actually thought about trying it. Then announcing it through one of those games like, what’s different in this picture? Or do you see what I see? Or where’s Waldo? You know, kind of like the uncle in the Blindside movie asking who the other kid was in the family photo? 😉 We won’t do that! I really am just kidding. We are honored that God would choose our family to walk this path. We know that family and friends will have their concerns and they will be well-meaning. I just also know, that I am a momma with a fierce momma’s heart and will take exception to those questions because that’s what this momma does when it comes to her children and the call of God. We would not be stepping out in faith, adopting if it wasn’t God’s will.

When I felt God say this had to be an open blog (and yes I balked and prayed some more hoping I hadn’t heard him right!), knowing I, we had to be willing to show you his glory through our journey, my only answer that would be acceptable to Him was,”Yes. Anything for you Jesus!”

Could it be?

So, I inquired. Got some info. Got a little more info. I knew we would be moving again in about a month so finding a homestudy agency was going to be difficult. Apparently not that difficult. And they would work with the adoption agency that worked in this child’s country. Doors were opening. I was getting a little excited and yet didn’t want to jump the gun. I kept giving it back to the Lord. I didn’t tell my man any of this until I got an email asking if we wanted updated pictures and info on this sweet little. Then it was time to spill the beans. He said, “yes” after me telling him I had done something without telling him. You should have seen the look on his face. I think he was expecting me to say I totaled one of our cars or something. So, I asked for the update. We prayed and asked God to clarify that this was our little. God gave me scripture time and time again in the weirdest places. He gave us “Open Doors” to step through that didn’t seem like open doors at all. Even through a series of miraculous events and some great detective work from one of my bf’s, she learned that our sweet S had been adopted by an American family. We were thankful that she was in a forever family, just a bit sad that it wasn’t ours. But there was relief as well. Relief that there would not be a choice if the possibility ever arose that these two precious children would have been available at the same time in different countries.

I wanted to move on this! I started to think about fundraising to bring this sweet little home. I started to think about room arraignments, buying a bed, dresser, etc… I wanted to get started!! But we were moving once again. In fact, we were moving in less than a month and we needed to get our house ready to sell. Get ready for the movers to come. Find a home in the new city. Put in our application for the adoption agency. Pay fees. The list of to do’s was way longer than the days were long it seemed. So, we prayed. I prayed a lot. I found myself thanking God for the smallest things during this time. For screen doors that kept flies out while letting fresh rain air come in. For kids laughter. For a husband who loved his wife in spite of herself. I asked God to simply order our steps. First things first. Because we were getting overwhelmed with all that was in front of us.

So, we worked at getting ready for our move and the house going on the market. The day we met with the real estate agent about our home, we got the long awaited update. Pictures and a brief update with a longer translated update was promised as it was being translated. We were excited and beyond thrilled. The house went on the market a week later than expected, the movers came and went and we moved. (I shared a bit of a rant about this move about a week ago.)

What does this all boil down to? We said,”Yes!” to adopting a child. We are in the process of signing with our agencies to get the ball officially rolling. We can’t share much about this sweet little yet. But we hope to in the coming days and weeks. So stay tuned and please consider being apart of our adoption story!!!

Learning to Trust in a whole new way

After being dismissed to go off to our break out sessions, I tried calling my hubby. Could not get through to him. So, I went and talked with Amy, Lorraine and Angel and asked if I could call them if I needed help once the conference was over. They all looked at me a bit crazy and said sure and asked if I was ok. All I could say was,”She’s ours. God just spoke it to my heart very loud and clearly.” They all laughed at me and said they knew the day before. I finally got to talk to my man and told him what I believed God to be saying to me and he was quiet but was agreeing. The rest of the weekend was a blur. I got to spend a little bit of time with my bf from highschool and her family before heading back home to mine.

In the coming months, we would run into some roadblocks as we were trying to adopt this sweet little girl. The door finally closed once we learned she was not available through some of her country’s rules. We were devastated. Heartbroken. We would learn this on our 19th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary to us. A few weeks later, we would find another sweet angel that we would inquire about as well. Again, the doors would close before they would even have a chance to fly open. That happened exactly a month to the day of learning that A was not available. It would be the week of Christmas. At this point, I became angry with God. Unsure if I had actually heard him at all. Unsure if adoption would ever be apart of our lives outside of supporting those who were adopting and advocating for those who needed to find a forever family. In February of 2011, we would consider one more little girl who has severe special needs. I remember crying and asking God to speak to us about her. I remember asking him some very specific questions and getting some answers. I remember saying to him,”Please, don’t close this door if I step out in faith and say yes to her. I’m trying to trust you. Please, don’t crush this heart one more time in this area.” I called K up and said,”Let’s do this.” Within mere hours of saying this to him and talking with one of my besties, she would be calling and asking,”Is it you?! Did you commit to her? She’s got a family!”

I remember standing there in my kitchen, trying not to cry while talking with her. But saying in my heart,”See God!! You did it again. Not only did you slam the door but did it so quickly. God, you are just like every other dad out there. You crush my hopes and dreams.” I cried a bit and notified K that M had a family. In the end, we were both thankful because we would end up having to move a few months later. There would have been no way would have completed her adoption in such a short amount of time and our time constraints. The next year would be God dealing with me as I was still super angry with God about closing those doors. I didn’t understand what he was doing nor why and to be honest, I really didn’t want to.

By July, he would be talking to me about going to a place I swore I would never go. As K would start his schooling, I would be headed off to Ethiopia in October for 16 days. God was showing up like I had never seen in my life. He would provide every single penny needed in order for me to go. He would provide people to help bless my family in helping to care for our four kids. He would change my world view completely as I learned what it meant to be truly poor – financially and spiritually. We would once again put adoption on the back burner as we continued to pray for our girls but see what God was saying about where to go and do next. I was also learning to trust God in a whole new way. Asking him for forgiveness for being mad at him. Knowing it was all for my good and his glory. Our relationship was coming back around to a place that I had missed so desperately. I was being renewed in my mind and spirit and couldn’t help but love him more each and every day.

Soon, I would be reminded of dreams I had years before of a child I didn’t know. I would go to Ethiopia again in March, coming back being changed once again. Still continuing to hold hope that the girls would one day be available for adoption. Then one night, I had a dream. It was about this baby that I had had dreams of years prior and then months before. But it was different this time. This time it had the girls but they were one. In fact, the girls faces were morphed together. I didn’t understand it. I asked for clarity and wasn’t getting it. At least not then. Then one night, I chose to look at adoption lists again. Finding some of the sweetest faces. Showing them to my hubby once again. He would smile. Say they were cute but that was about it. Then I saw this face. I showed it to K. I asked him who this child reminded him of? He said,”Those are S’s eyes.” I agreed but there was something more. I left it alone. I would dream once again about this child. The next day, I showed our girls all of these kids faces. We oohed and ahhed. Then we came to this child again. I asked them what they thought. I told them daddy thought this sweet thing had S’s eyes. Our Bella said,”And A’s jaw line.” In that moment, the child I dreamt about flashed in my mind. The one whose face was the morphed image of the girls. I was speechless. Amazed. Was God showing me the child he had for us all along? I mean, this child was born in the same month and year as our A. Same color eyes as our S. Same sweet jaw line as our A. And none of them would be fro the same region. Could it be?

to be continued…

Disappointments abound

So, I was going to T4A. I was doing something really crazy and scary. I was doing this thing that was totally out of character for myself. I was going to travel to Austin, 6 hours away by myself, room with a woman I had never met (and for all I knew she might be a serial killer. Just kidding.) and attend an adoption conference not knowing a single person attending. I would be lying if I said, I didn’t have thoughts of not attending because this was so outside of my comfort zone. I couldn’t remember the last time I had driven a long distance without anyone else in the car. I have never spent the night with another person without knowing them first. Then not really knowing why I was attending this conference, I really was thinking about not attending. But God had different plans. He made it that I would need to have a travel companion from a city 90 minutes north of me. Layla would drive down to my house and we would travel to Austin together. The day before leaving, I would be looking at and praying over children who needed families listed on the Reeces Rainbow waiting children’s list. I came across a little girl who would literally take my breath away. She was beautiful!! to say the least. She had the prettiest blue eyes and the saddest expression on her face. All I could think was that I needed to find her a family. She deserved one. I would show her picture to my family and we would start praying for her.

Once we got to Austin, I would have the privilege of meeting Lorraine, Amy, Julie, Angel, Julia, Carolyne, and so many others that would bless me. During the first day of the conference, I would be so overwhelmed with the statistics. The sheer numbers were taking me back. Knowing that each year, the number would jump by approximately 25 million. The numbers of children that would be taken into some form of forced slavery. Oh my word. Just devastating. I would end up sharing this little girl’s face with many at the conference in the hopes of finding her a family. People said she was beautiful. But no one was jumping up and down saying she was theirs. I was confused. That night I would get a message from my hubby saying,”None of us can stop thinking about this little girl.” I understood. Somehow she was already under my skin as well. The next morning, as we were worshiping, Aaron Ivey was playing a song that I had never heard before. I thought it was strange as I was listening and singing every single word as if I had written it myself. The song is AmosStory song. It’s his promise to their children that he and his wife would do whatever it took to get to them and bring them home. I cried. Then the original speaker for the morning was unable to attend due to some medical issues. So, the sub was a man by the name of Robert Galinas. He is out of a church in Colorado Springs I believe. Anyway, as I was sitting there listening to him speak, I hear this man talking about MY life. He and his wife had four kids. Two boys and two girls. Check. They were done having kids. They had the perfect equal numbers of each gender. Check. Life was good. Check. Life was comfortable. Check. Then it happened. God started moving on his wife’s heart one more time to adopt. check She saw the picture. check. Then he started asking some really hard questions. Like,”What is the reason you give for not adopting?” Ok, I’ll admit this one wasn’t hard for me. It was really simple to be honest. It’s everybody’s first response – MONEY. Yep, that was my greatest fear. Then he asked a couple more. Then he came back to money. He asked this question,”If money is the only reason that is stopping you from adopting, what is it you are saying to God then? Are you calling God a deadbeat dad?” Can we just say that that statement made me want to crawl underneath my seat and hide? I literally started to cry at this point. I can honestly say I don’t remember much more about what he said after that. All I know is I started to repent and cry that ugly girl cry we all do when we are sorry and scared. During this time, I remember hearing God whisper in my heart,”Whom shall I send?” and all I could say was, “Lord, send me. I will go.” Then that sweet little girl’s face swept across my mind and believing he said to me,”Then she’s yours.”

To Be continued…